Lissa Rankin talks about Healthy Living
Jill Bolte Taylor’s stroke of insight. For those who don’t embrace spirituality, Jill’s right-brain experience provides an alternate explanation.
Further to Brené Brown‘s exploration of vulnerability, as with many theories I was left wondering how her theory could be applied in everyday life. I wanted the 18 minute how-to video. But I know that this next video is one we each shoot for ourselves.
So what’s mine look like?
As a first step, I distilled her theory down to its essence (as I saw it through my lens). (It’s best to ensure you’ve watched the video to flesh out this summary).
- Desire for connection: that’s why we are here
- We’re taught if we can’t measure something, it doesn’t exist, invalidating intangibles
- The shame we experience is based in fear of disconnection: that we’re never good enough; “Who do you think you are?”
To try and avoid shame:
- We blame others, bad luck, fate, etc.: this a way to discharge pain and discomfort
- We numb out vulnerability: (but we cannot be selective about emotions, so we numb joy, gratitude, happiness)
- We try to make everything that is uncertain, certain
- We strive for perfection, and we try to make our children perfect
- We pretend that what we do doesn’t have an impact
Of course these strategies actually result in disconnection. To connect, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, to be vulnerable. Those people willing to do so Brown calls, “wholehearted,” asserting that these people feel worthwhile solely because they believe they are worthwhile.
So these wholehearted people who believe they are worthy, and as a result they feel worthy:
- Have courage; they tell the story of who they are with their whole heart: they have the courage to be imperfect
- Let themselves be seen, love with their whole hearts even though there is no guarantee of return, practice gratitude and joy, believe that they’re enough
- Recognize that connection is a result of authenticity; they let go of who they think they should be, to be who they are
- Have compassion: they are kind to themselves first, only then can they be kind to others
- Are willing to take emotional risks, are vulnerable, they let go of controlling
- Teach their children that they are worthy
As a next step, I created affirmations for the key points:
- I am worthy
- I tell the story of who I am with my whole heart
- I have the courage to be seen as imperfect
- I let myself be seen
- I love with my whole heart
- I am grateful
- I practice joy
- I am enough
- I let go of who I think I should be, to be who I am
- I am compassionate to myself
- I am compassionate to others
- I am willing to be vulnerable
- I let go of controlling
- I teach my children that they are worthy
To these I add some other affirmations that are meaningful to me.
Finally, as I go through my day, when I catch myself blaming, resenting, ruminating, shaming, etc., I stop myself, and see which of these affirmations come up for me.
Film at 11.
Brené Brown‘s thesis is an eloquent, concise summary of a core issue (worthiness) for many people.
Oprah in her last network show also pointed out worthiness as the single common issue among all of her guests: “The show has taught me there is a common thread that runs through all of our pain and all of our suffering, and that is unworthiness … I’ve talked to nearly 30,000 people on this show, and all 30,000 had one thing in common: They all wanted validation … Try it with your children, your husband, your wife, your boss, your friends. Validate them. ‘I see you. I hear you. And what you say matters to me.'”
Norman Doidge in The Brain That Changes Itself has amazing stories of how the brain can adapt to challenges, refuting the “hard-wired” theory of brain functioning and explaining how with dedicated training habitual ways of thinking can be reprogrammed. Providing scientific justification for the theories of creation through thought and the power of positve thinking, the author cites sources showing how this occurs physiologically. As an example in one study, one group did body strengthening exercises. The second group went through visualizations of doing the exercises, without actually moving. Strength increase with exercise: 30%. With visualization: 23%. This theory also encourages caregivers of stroke and other brain damage victims to provide intense rehab, which can result in dramatic recoveries as the brain grows new pathways. He asserts that the brain challenged at any age will not only remain more alert, it will grow more interconnections.